When I was first diagnosed with cancer (and before many folks knew anything about it) I encountered a very difficult dilemma. Co-workers, family, friends would ask "How are you?" as a casual greeting. How could I answer? The person asking typically had no clue of my diagnosis so I could not see assailing them with all the negativity of the situation. But was putting on a happy face misleading or unfair?
My initial, and current strategy, is to use my standard answer: "I'm hanging in there". That had been my eeyore-esque attempt at humor prior to my diagnosis and it seemed appropo to offer it up immediately after my diagnosis and before many knew--almost my own inside joke. This all seems to be a very unfortunate bit of analysis to heap on a reflex answer to a question asked out of no real regard for my well being, but the question being asked of me carries much more weight and bears more scrutiny than it ever has before.
At this point, however, my old reflex answer doesn't serve me well. Whether I'm being asked as an informal greeting or someone who knows of my situation is interested in how I'm doing I think I need to do better than "I'm hanging in there." I need a response that can reflect the positive outcomes thus far but still carry the weight of the circumstance. It might be nice, too, if it would fly well over the head of the unsuspecting grocery clerk or waitress who just happens to ask "How you doin'?"
I've got some ideas. Maybe I'll post a poll on the blogger site (another reason to visit that site if you haven't already). In any event please continue to ask how I'm doing. If you are in the know you might get a dissertation on blood counts and treatment regimen that only Russ can provide. It might be, instead, that I try out one of my new 'pat' responses to see how it fits.
In any event, keep asking. I am not uncomfortable sharing how things are going and am gratified every day with the numbers of people who check in and express concern. I have said often that it is one of the highlights of my day to check the blog sites and to post to them.
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Hey Russ,
ReplyDeleteHow you doing today?
Gloria
Hey Russ, I voted today (Tuesday) and looks like I may have been first, yea...Not sure if you are a Skins fan, but they haven't done much lately to make anyone out here feel good!!
ReplyDeleteTake care. Rob
I recall many a day when you would grab the phone, lean back in your chair and say, "Oh, I'm hanging in there." Though it came out sounding more light-hearted than Eeyore's doom and gloom tone to my mind.
ReplyDeleteI've seen people who write in to the newspaper complaining about people who greet them with "How are you?" because it's not really a sincere inquiry after their health/mental state. Most folks answer with "good" or something to that effect and no one really expects you to say your back hurts and you think you have an ingrown toenail.
I'll be the first one to admit I'm guilty of asking the question and, if asked in turn, I will answer that I am good. Which is true enough - I'm still breathing after all. But we all know to whom we can give a sincere answer.
I voted for # 2 - I think it's a great opener for outlandish tales if you're in a quirky mood. "Well, my pet platypus escaped again. If you find him, let me know. Oh, by the way, did you know the males are poisonous?" Otherwise, just stick with hanging in there. # 3 sounds like the sort of thing you say before you launch into the gory details (something my gran did regardless of whether you wanted to know or not). # 1 is probably the best as the inside joke. Oh, I don't know - use 'em all. Keep us on our toes. ;)
- Liz
I just got home after taking you to JH today and decided to read the blog entry that we talked about. As you know I too had trouble answering the "How are you question?". I can take you to the hospital, watch you getting chemo, and read your journal entries without getting teary eyed. However, whenever I read your guestbook or comments I tear up and occasionally go into real sobbing outbursts. I just want to second you in letting everyone know how much their concern, questions and "how are you"s mean.
ReplyDeleteHave you explained in your blog why the response "unremarkable" is meaningful? I don't remember it, but then I'm not known for my great memory. :-)
I'm proud of you.
Love,
Mom
Russ,
ReplyDeleteAs much as you don't like taking meds and the whole doctor thing you're doing remarkable and hanging in there. I think "I'm hanging in there" is truly you. You are so patient in many situations you just go with the flow. You're not a complainer. You can't resist, you're not a quitter, you love telling stories but only when you're comfortable with the audience and it's a "fitting" moment. So the next alternate response would be "good....considering". Both are very humbling and show unselfishness and very fitting for Russ. Your posts are very informative and as you put pen to paper (text to blog) you demonstrate your thought processes so remarkably! Keep writing my friend if you find comfort and healing in the process. Also know that most of us find comfort in sharing your thoughts. That's what this is all about!
Marie