The hard job belongs to the family

Those who spoke to me early on following my diagnosis probably recall that one of the over-riding concerns I had included little to do with me but instead focused on what effects all these lifestyle changes would have on my family.

Initially I struggled with how to tell my children (ages 4 and 7) that daddy was as sick as he is, without being unfairly vague or even dismissive of their need to know and understand what was happening. I worried extensively about Nolan's ability to make soccer practices and games and to do all the things that 7-year olds with healthy fathers are supposed to do. I worried about the fear that my eventual hair-loss and other physical signs of my illness would cause my children. I even planned responses for the conflicting and possibly scary messages my kids might receive from well-meaning adults.

I stressed over the disruption in the routines. How could my exhaustive treatment regimen possibly be incorporated into our daily lives with acceptable outcomes (arriving to school on time, completing homework, eating meals)? Would Nolan's academics suffer? Would Audrey regress a bit, behaviorally?

The 'what-ifs' and the 'oh dears' in being treated for cancer seem to stem from those items that we spend our regular daily lives trying to control and that are just a quick nudge away from chaos. I maintain that Marla has the difficult job of the two of us since, as a patient, my path has been well laid-out for me and the consequences for not staying on that treatment path would be unmistakable and unerring.

But having written all of this, it is evident to me now that my family is handling it pretty well. Marla is getting to work, the kids to school. Clothes are washed, dinners--healthy ones--are cooked, and homework is completed. Families are resilient and routines are what we make of them. We've simplified and changed some things around. We've all made sacrifices in the early going. In the end I suppose there is another lesson learned: stop worrying about 'how its gonna be' and instead set the priorities as a family, make your choices, lean on each other for support, and make it happen.

I would like to thank everyone who continues to support Marla with words, meals, actions, offers of actions, thoughts and/or prayers. I am fortunate to have her as a wife (and nurse). She is shouldering quite a bit and doing an admirable job. I am a lucky, lucky man.