Touch of Humor, perhaps

Good Morning All:

I figured I would lighten the mood a bit this AM before I get hauled away for my 2:30 spinal tap. This little anectdote actually occurred a few hours ago as I received platelets to bolster my sinking bloodcounts.

At several points throughout the day, and also as part of monitoring when receiving blood products, a nurse or CA (don't ask me what CA stands for) will come in and 'take my vitals'. It isn't as harrowing as it sounds, of course, and what they actually are doing is taking simple measurements of blood pressure, temperature, and heart rate. The goal of this is to ensure that early indicators of larger problems might be seen and perhaps acted upon. These checks are done specifically 15 minutes after the start of receiving blood products because an allergic reaction is possible and so they look for a spike in body temperature as a sign.

Anyway, vitals are collected using a little machine, a little blue box on a wheeled pedestal. The blood pressure cuff, thermometer, and a little cuff that fits over an index figure all hang from the sides of the machine. In rapid succession these are attached to the patient, a button pressed and the numbers start coming back.

Over time I've learned that my blood pressure tends to cause alarm in the middle of the night if I allow them to take it while I'm laying down--its always on the low side 110/60 would be pretty common, but when I've been laying down for a while it might look more like 92/54. As a result, I've taken to sitting up when they come in which allows for a brief moment of conversation--something I think the night nurses actually appreciate since they seem to indulge in it pretty freely.

This morning when my nurse came in to take my vitals around 4:30, I sat up. Typically, they protest that it isn't necessary so I will often explain why I choose to sit up as I do so. This nurse was no different but she understood my logic and proceeded to attach the blood pressure cuff. I went on to tell her that I would also lower my heart rate too. This is actually something I learned I could do my first go-around here at Hopkins--something of a parlor trick for the patient to amuse the nursing staff (and himself). True to form, the nurse raised a doubtful eyebrow.

When the cuff on the index figure started reading out my heart rate it was at 101 beats per minute (seems fast to me, which is why I started thinking I ought to lower it to avoid alarm from the doctors). In very short order the number dropped to 93, 88, 84--actually faster than I had ever accomplished this little trick of mine in the past. The nurse was shocked but I got a little excited and the heart rate started rising as a result. At any rate the effect of the little parlor trick had been achieved. The nurse told me I made her night and that it was like a magic trick that my heart rate slowed on command like that!

Recalling this amuses me on two fronts. First, the nurses here have seen quite a bit and are very, very professional. To hit them with something that they've never seen before can be pretty humorous (assuming it isn't an alarming health condition)--and to interject a little 'fun' into what is otherwise a somewhat dull exchange seems to lift everyone's spirits a bit.

Second, it never ceases to amaze me that this trick amazes them. I've written before that it seems the medical community often loses sight of any notion that there is benefit or cure that can be derived from something that is not chemically-based. So dependent they've become on the prescription and the standards of care that the very fact that the brain controls the beating of your heart is lost. The notion that simple meditation can lower one's heart rate should be well known and encouraged in a hospital setting, instead when displayed by a novice like me its 'almost like a magic trick'. It also makes me wonder what else I am able to control.

Reflecting on this idea this morning I actually spent 10-15 minutes trying to create white blood cells. Since I can't really explain what I'm doing to lower my heart rate perhaps I know instinctively how to make white blood cells. I just know that I won't bother asking the doctors if it is possible. If, instead, I set the medical community on its ear because of my remarkable recuperative powers perhaps they'll start taking notice of what is possible. Or perhaps I'll simply pass into nursing lore as that bizarre patient who could control his heart rate and recovered his white blood cell counts in half the time of other patients.

Thanks for reading . . .

--Russ.