Time flys by

I knew it had been a while since I last posted. I didn't realize that it was now over a month ago, however.

Let me get you up to speed on some things:

1. My radiation treatments came and went, largely without incident. There were a few minor side effects and those are beginning to dissipate.
2. I have begun the maintenance phase of my chemotherapy. I'm taking a few more pills than I was originally led to believe, but again, taking a few pills (some daily, some weekly, some quarterly) is nothing compared to what I had been through.
3. I am completely immersed at work. It is almost as if I never left at this point. There are still times where decisions that were made or evolutions that occurred during my 7-month absence surprise me, but otherwise I've been able to pick up the projects that I was forced to drop in September of 2008 (at least those that still had relevance) and have started to conceive of new ones.
4. Nolan's baseball team has one remaining game. We are 6-2. Our boys are hitting the tar out of the ball and are certainly ready for the challenge of moving to kid-pitch next season. I'm very proud of their progress and the process of coaching them this season has been just as rewarding as the last.
5. I was able to catch up with my adult baseball team yesterday. Almost like the Blue Angels' missing-man formation, they were attempting to play a playoff game with 8 players on the field. A stark reminder that I fell slightly short of that goal coming out of chemotherapy. It was nice to see them and I let them know that all signs point to me playing ball with them in the fall. I even snuck in and caught a few pitches to warm up the pitcher between the 1st and 2nd innings!
6. I also had my first haircut since the infamous mohawk haircut yesterday. My hair has grown in nicely. I think it looks a little darker with possibly a little less gray. It was still short--#2 clippers didn't take any hair off the sides of my head--but it was somewhat uneven. The top was a little 'bushy' while the sides were still pretty close-cropped. We went with the #1 clippers and I got an all-over buzz cut. I've decided that I actually like the look and might keep it!
7. Audrey had preschool graduation on Friday. Each and every one of these celebrations means so much more to me now than they did before. She's getting to be such a big girl but I'm still pretty certain that Kindergarten is not ready for her.
8. Marla and I surprised the kids with a day trip to Hershey Park during the Memorial Day weekend--just the four of us. We had a great time trekking across the park. We needed the time together and away. We've laid the ground work for at least one trip to the beach this summer and perhaps another weekend trip to an unannounced location in the fall.
9. We are starting to talk about the logistics of getting a new dog. We miss Bungo greatly (particularly when we drop some food on the floor!) and I still find myself looking for him when I open the front door. We have some things to do before that can happen, however.

While the title of this post may indicate that life has been a blur, let me assure that it has not. Each day begins with a deep breath and a cathartic soaking shower with that great big shower head. I am savoring each event--even the small ones. Leaving work having made a difference again there leaves me feeling like I've started repaying the commitment and the patience that Westat displayed in waiting for me to return. Not an 'I'm sinking in debt' kind of feeling, but more of a 'Yeah, this is the first payment on a 30-year mortgage--but its MY house!' kind of feeling.

I owe a lot to a lot of people for all the support, well-wishes, gifts, cards, prayers, visits, meals, and favors. There isn't a chance that I could conceivably repay it all. Perhaps I will attempt to create a comprehensive list at some point and take a stab at sending out a thank you. I think the process itself would be an overwhelming one (but good for me) and the expression of gratitude would likely fall well-short of what those displays meant to me and my family along the way.

Clearly, I have other things on my mind and the Blog as a connection has taken on a reduced role in my life. It gave me purpose and an occupation when I needed one. It kept me in touch with those who cared about me and freed me from having to recount the steps of my treatment over-and-over. Writing served well as an outlet for the emotions involved with cancer. Reading the comments on a daily basis gave me that little kick-in-the-pants I needed each day to maintain a good attitude and a positive outlook. I think, however, that it is time for me to close this out. My job now is to move beyond cancer while keeping it away. That requires that I put aside the habit of dwelling on it.

I will leave the blog 'out there' for others to find and read and to catch those who were checking in somewhat infrequently. But unless and until I have a need, this will be my final post. Thank you all for your participation in this forum. I have maintained in each and every conversation I have had about the blog that it was absolutely the best decision I made surrounding my battle with cancer and that it made all the difference to me. The fact that you were reading and responding gave it a 'weightiness' that allowed it to fill many of the activities that I was forced to abandon for a time. I will always be grateful for that.

--Russ.